ahem.

These are my personal reasons for not eating. I am writing them down in order to inspire myself, and hopefully others!

Before I even start though, I should probably explain that I am engaged to a WONDERFUL boy (Christopher) that I love with all my heart, and I often feel horrible about my body simply comparing it to his (he's 6'2" and 150 pounds, with a six pack and a wiry build).

Plus, my mom HATES that I have struggled with eating since late middle school.

Just a preface to my list. (:

Here it goes!



AIDA'S REASONS TO GO ON:
1. I want to deserve Christopher, not feel like he could do better than me.
2. I want Christopher to be able to lift me and twirl me around without struggling. (:
3. I want tattoos and piercings in places that they won't look good on until I'm TINY.
4. I want to be able to look around while in ballet and think, "I'm the thinnest girl here."
5. I want to be able to fit into size 24 jeans.
6. I want to be remembered as tiny. That's my favorite word. Tiny. (:
7. I want to know that I can keep a commitment to myself. This commitment is to not eat!
8. I want to be able to properly dance.
9. I want to be able to wear sheer American Apparel v necks without feeling self conscious.
10. I want to be able to share my little sister's cute clothes.
11. I want to be able to wear bikinis.
12. I want to model for my friends in pictures and feel good about how I look in them.
13. I want to keep open the option of me being famous. Famous people=thin people.
14. I want to be a vegetarian. Vegetarianism and ana can be friends. (:
15. I want to reach up to feel my face and notice how thin it is.
16. I want to watch those numbers on the scale drop and drop until they are in the double digits.
17. I want to feel special. It's not special to be fat or have an average sized frame.
18. I want to rub it in my mom's face, how good I look when I do it my way.
19. I want to be known as the thin one on campus.
20. I want to be able to get drunk after a drink and a half again. (It takes more nowadays).
21. I want to travel the world. Being tiny=packing light! (;
22. I want to never ever ever have a double chin. Being the way I am I'm already worried about it!
23. I want Christopher's friends to be jealous of him.
24. I want my little brother Paul to grow up and have his girlfriends be jealous of me.
25. I want my little sister Michelle to be jealous of me.
26. I want the WHOLE WORLD to be jealous of me. Being envied is being powerful.
27. I want to be able to confidently walk into Christopher and mine's room in lingerie.
28. I want to be fabulous at sex. Can you see a fat person having that skill? No.

THINSPO.

i♥collarbones


i just want this body...


i want to be this carefree.


i♥ribs


i want to be able to look this good as i smoke. (:


i am so envious of the legs. i♥legs


i already have an AMAZING fiancee that loves me, but i dream of us looking like this...

That's just a tidbit for now. I hope everyone is having a fabulous new beginning of their year!

I wanna be...

-thin
-beautiful
-perfect
-tiny
-skinny
-controlled
-loved
-wanted
-needed
-sexy
-beautiful
-gorgeous
-pretty
-cute
-adorable
-light
-twiggy...

and so much more.

My name is Aida. And I want it all.